P.S: I felt the need to post this, so just bare with me. I’m lucky I even decided to post something my feelings… I hate being honest sometimes. 😉
As I opened the door and walked down the stairs toward the basement, my mind drifted away from the dirty laundry I was carrying and the real world.
I thought of that place, the one that changed my life. The place I’d never forget. The place I loved, even though I had only been there once, my first time being last year.
I smiled as memories of events from summer camp flooded my mind as I stared at a large red suitcase we found a few weeks earlier.
The guy who got me a Popsicle. The youth leader who bought me ice cream. The hoodie I had found on sale and bought, later finding that I accidentally got the wrong size. The emotional night when everyone wrote a name of that person who needed the Lord. The night so many people cried, realizing that their friend/family needs saving and the reality of it.
Then I looked away. Everything was different. Everything wasn’t what it was now. I wasn’t across the country. I wasn’t living in a new house. I wasn’t in Wisconsin.
I closed my eyes and thought of the area I had lived in for years.
My thoughts drifted towards him, the guy I had crushed on for awhile. And then I felt something pulling at me. I missed him… he was like family. And he told me the same. You’re like a sister to me. And coming from a guy with no sisters, I knew he was serious.
Then I thought of another different him, my latest crush. Something ate at my belly, creating an empty hole in my stomach. I missed his jokes, I missed his laugh, I missed how happy he made me when I felt down. I thought of how shy I was around him, even more than usual, and smiled. Then I thought of how I felt appreciated every-time I even talked to him, which was weird…
I thought of the girl that always had something great to say. Then a memory hit me. I remembered telling her ‘May the Fourth be with you’ on her birthday at church on Wednesday.
California. I left so much behind…
Living in the desert and suffering when summer flew in…. and yet I was happy. Then looking deeper, I knew I was unhappy there as well.
I dropped the dirty laundry in a basket, eyes dull.
I knew I’d see them again next month and at summer camp in July.
But my heart still ached, knowing I would never be there for activities again. No more parties. No more lock-in. No more earning money for camp. Then I nearly cried, thinking of my grandparents and great grandma.
I lived in the Golden state for most of my life and I left everything I ever knew behind to move to Wisconsin. I’ll never understand why the Lord had changed so much, with the trip to Wisconsin in February starting it all.
As I petted my cat, one thing I knew for sure was that this new place would never feel like home to me. Perhaps in the future things will be different, for I will trust the Lord.
“Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song…” Isaiah 12:2 KJV